"Off the record, no comment," says the man at the Deutsche Bank press office. Errr, look, you can't say "no comment" off the record.
"Yes we can, we do it every week," comes the reply. Well it's ridiculous. Laughable. And we're printing it next to your own name. "Can't you just leave it at Deutsche Bank said 'no comment'?" says the increasingly desperate PR man.
Only if you agree that this is an entirely ridiculous policy that deserves to be mocked.
"Erm..." Sorry Nick Probert of the Deutsche Bank press office, but you had your chance. That's nick.probert@db.com...
...Probert gets a colleague to ring back. "Sorry for the confusion. It is absolutely company policy to say 'no comment' on the record."
Well, that's much more helpful. Thanks very much.
*A quick scan of the Deutsche Bank website shows that the bank employs six spokespeople in London alone. Six people empowered to say "no comment".
Sometimes off the record, sometimes not. Let's estimate an average salary of £80,000 each (some will get much more). That adds up to: a total waste of money.
Lloyds boss gets a result
Lloyds chief executive Antonio Horta-Osorio grew increasingly agitated when a couple of journalists suggested that his cautious outlook on 2012 amounted to a profits warning. "This is not a profits warning," he declared. Yet it persisted.
One questioner asked if he had not seen a reference to Lloyds' return on equity falling behind target. Horta-Osorio was quick to state: "No, that was Royal Bank of Scotland's results yesterday."
Gunning for business down in Bogota
Doing business in Bogota. A glittering drinks reception is thrown at the British ambassador's house for contractors hoping to win business in the Colombian boomtown.
Building magazine recounts how a "diminutive, charming fellow" was doing the rounds pressing the flesh like any other business type. It was only later that locals informed the assembled Brits that he was none other than the man who "ordered the killing of drug lord Pablo Escobar".
