These Foolish Things is a wondrously amateurish attempt at costume drama, set against the West End theatre of the 1930s.
It's the rags to riches tale of an aspiring young actress, gamely played by Zoe Tapper, who wants to follow in her mother's footsteps ('My heart belongs out there on Shaftesbury Avenue!') despite the foul attempts of a gay matinee idol to scupper her by braining her with a lamp on the first night ('It was you! You loosened the gantry!').
Terence Stamp has given woefully wooden performances before, but his impersonation of John Gielgud's valet in Arthur is distressingly dire - not helped by the fact that the script can't make up its mind whether he's a valet, a butler or a chauffeur.
Writer-director Julia Taylor-Stanley is, according to the production notes, 'an accomplished songwriter and composer'. She would be well advised to stick to her day job.
Her hilariously misguided attempt to tack on a patriotic ending is a surreal masterstroke.
The final dedication is to 'the few' - possibly a reference to those who saved us in the Battle of Britain, but more likely a tribute to anyone who can manage to stick it out to the end of her movie.
It's so bad, it's almost enjoyable - like a dumbed-down version of Mrs Henderson Presents, written and directed by Ernie Wise.
These Foolish Things
Cert: 12A
