Imagine the pitch: "It's one part Police Academy, one part Ace Ventura, one part Dr Moreau."
"Doctor who?" "No, Doctor Moreau, the dude who transplanted animal organs into humans."
"So it's a transformation movie. Special effects? Expensive."
"No. We'll get somebody who can imitate animals. Like Jim Carrey."
"On our budget? Gedouddahere!"
"OK, lemme think. How about that dweeby guy from Deuce Bigalow. We can get him cheap." "Rob Schneider?" "Yeah. So we make him a loser police cadet who has a car crash and is rescued by a mad scientist who puts him back together using animal organs."
"With you so far." "Suddenly he becomes a superhuman who can do amazing stuff like ..."
"Sniff out drugs from bad guys' assholes?"
"Exactamundo. And swim like Flipper and mark his territory by pissing on tablelegs in fancy restaurants."
"What about love interest?" "His girlfriend ... she's mad about him because ..."
"Yeah? Yeah?" "Because he's an animal in bed!"
"Buddy, you just caught yourself a green light."
The Animal
Cert: cert12
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