Ross Noble: Wild-haired comedy genius
10 April 2012

Unlike most comedians, Ross Noble doesn't worry about forgetting his lines. He doesn't have any. Every night on his current Noodlemeister tour he goes onstage not knowing what he will say. He has a few regular routines up his sleeve, but the bulk of his show depends on sculpting surreal ideas on the spot. He is the zen master of stand-up surfing.


In last autumn's Garrick Theatre show, Unrealtime, the 28-year-old Geordie shuttled brilliantly between different stories, bouncing Tiggerishly around and likening his performance to an episode of 24. One moment he was impersonating Hare Krishna devotees essaying techno moves, the next he was wondering what the world would be like if Stephen Hawking had a Yorkshire accent and a monkey assistant. There was even a touch of politics. Noble suggested that Barry White had been brought in by Alastair Campbell to sex up the Weapons Of Mass Destruction dossier. He regularly feeds in fresh gags. 'There is no joke that anyone has ever written that is good enough to hang around for ever,' he says. 'When I see people doing jokes they've been doing for a few years, I find it very depressing.'

It's a sunny August day and the teetotal Noble (he says he never developed an interest in drinking) is sipping Coca-Cola in an Edinburgh cafe, his long, jet black hair blowing in the breeze. This most freeform of performers is just back from gigging on the Orkney Islands and has been getting political again. Alongside a story about Jesus playing ping-pong, routines about Saddam Hussein and Guantanamo Bay have been cropping up. It is an intriguing development. 'I never want to define myself,' he says, fiddling with his phone. 'It's basically just me talking about things going on in the back of my head, and I guess because I watch a lot of television, current affairs is bound to seep in, but I'm not preaching. The sort of people that go to political comedy I don't really want turning up at my gigs. I'm not trying to bring down the fabric of society, you just can't talk about magic squirrels all day. Well, I probably could, but I don't know how entertaining that would be.'

Unlike most of his peers, he has shied away from television, building up his audience by a mix of word-of-mouth and rave reviews. If you've seen him on the box, it was probably on Have I Got News for You?, where his brilliant flights of fancy contributed to two of the most famous episodes. 'I did the very last edition with Angus Deayton, when everyone watched because of the scandal, and then the first one of the new series, when Paul Merton was question-master and I sat in for Paul.'

Television continues to pursue him. He has been offered everything from hosting panel games to natural-history documentaries about monkeys, but he prefers to concentrate on delivering great live shows. 'I hate seeing people who are contemptuous of their audience,' he says. 'I give people who come to see me what I would want to watch.' He has nothing against fame and making money, but wants to be acclaimed for his comedy, not his social life. 'Photographers don't chase me down the street to photograph my pants or sweaty armpits,' he grins.

Nonetheless, it has been an eventful year for Noble. He has married his Australian girlfriend, Fran, and bought a house in the Yarra Valley outside Melbourne, where the only neighbours are animals. 'It's surrounded by wild kangaroos, which can rip people's throats out.' He plans to divide his year between Oz and Kent, where he owns an old forge. 'Although I don't really feel I live in either place,' he shrugs. 'I live in hotels.'

His wife does 'animal-related work', but rarely features in Noble's onstage witterings. 'I can't really do relationship material, because she is too unconventional,' he chuckles. 'A couple of weeks ago, she rang me and said she'd bought a couple of goats on impulse, so when other comedians go, "What is it with women and shoes?", I'd have to go, "What is it with women and goats?" - it wouldn't quite work.'

Noble grew up in Cramlington, near Newcastle. It was not the most exciting of towns. 'There was a paracetamol factory at one end and a razor-blade factory at the other.' He was an adolescent fan of Robin Williams and Richard Pryor and made his debut at 15, cutting his teeth in rowdy working-men's clubs, where, because he was underage, he had to sneak in via the kitchen serving-hatch.

'In those days, I just wanted to do straightforward gags with punchlines, like Jack Dee. It wasn't so much a gig as crowd control. I used to do a Stars In Their Eyes story, where I'd say, "Wouldn't it be funny if someone came on and said, 'Tonight, Matthew, I'll be Glenn Miller,' and then disappeared into the mist and never came back." I've since seen that done on TV by other comedians. It even appeared on a Peter Kay video.'

Eventually, he had the courage to try out his trademark improvised style. 'I realised that once you had an audience on your side, all they wanted to hear was what was in your head.'

Since then Noble has never looked back. The only question that remains now is how big can he get? 'I know comedians like Lee Evans and Eddie Izzard have played Wembley Arena, but I don't see the point,' he says. He'd rather stick with theatres like his hero Billy Connolly. 'I've achieved pretty much everything I set out to achieve, which is odd, but it means I can do what I like.'

Noble is the most contented comedian you could encounter. As we stroll back to his hotel, he asks me if I've got all the information I need. 'If you haven't got everything, just make it up.' That, of course, is his job.

Noodlemeister, Fri 3 Sep-Sat 2 Oct, Apollo Theatre, Shaftesbury Avenue, W1 (0870 890 1101). Unrealtime (Vital) is released on DVD on Mon 11 Oct.

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