Not since Nineveh, in the words of one of Kismet's hit songs, has a night at English National Opera felt so long, so dreary or so misconceived. Embarrassment prickled into shame when, within moments of curtain-up, Anglicised muezzin yodelled their calls to prayer and West End star Michael Ball, in his Coliseum debut, joked about finding his way to Mecca. Thank Allah no one laughed.
For this 1955 Broadway musical by Robert Wright and George Forrest camps up old Baghdad - "the symbol of happiness on earth!" - in a way which now makes us cringe. At the interval, many rushed for the exit muttering "torture", and they were not referring to Kismet's storyline in which Ball, a genial public poet, is threatened with having his hand cut off. Polygamy and the harem offer a backdrop to the thin plot. It's a wonder there were no snake charmers. Edward Said would be turning in his grave.
Who on earth allowed this production to happen? No one should object to the Coliseum taking on musicals. Nor should political correctness squash artistic imperative. But Gary Griffin's staging, hideously designed in raspberry colours with acres of satin curtain and beaded fringing by Ultz, was both tactless and lily-livered, quite some feat. Kismet is a so-called "sand and tits" show in the genre of The King and I. Flesh is of the essence. Instead, the harem was more well-dressed nunnery, with women swathed in blue veils looking, paradoxically, like the Virgin Mary.
Ball was alone in making the pantomimic lines sound credible. Tony Award winner Faith Prince, in her London debut as sexy Lalume, looked as if she'd rather be elsewhere. Sarah Tynan won warm applause for her charming Marsinah, well matched by Alfie Boe, the ex-car mechanic tenor, as Caliph.
Showstoppers such as Stranger in Paradise, and Baubles, Bangles and Beads raised wan spirits, but even helped by Borodin's tunes this is an impoverished score. Poor amplification helped no one.
This production has been dogged by technical hitches and"creative differences". With 16 performances scheduled, much is at stake. It had 648 performances when it was first seen in London, but arguably there was less to do in the Fifties.
Perhaps ENO should have followed the lead of one version which tackled religious difficulties by moving the action to Timbuktu. Tony Blair might bear that in mind as he sets off to sort out the Middle East.
Until 14 July. Box Office 0870 145 0200, /www.eno.org/kismet
Kismet
London Coliseum
St Martin's Lane, WC2N 4ES
