Henpocalypse! on BBC Two review: if The Inbetweeners did hen parties

What even is crab measles?
BBC / Various Artists / Rachel Joseph

“This isn’t actually the worst hen do I’ve ever been on,” says Bernadette, mother of the bride, midway through the third episode of the BBC’s six-part comedy Henpocalypse.

Given that, at this stage in the proceedings, a deadly disease has swept the country overnight, trapping the bridal party in a remote Welsh cottage for two months surviving off nothing but cold tinned soup, dead owls and snorting instant coffee granules, you can only wonder what the others were like.

This is a swift descent into chaos. The party begins in typical fashion — a group of girlfriends, decked out in as much penis paraphernalia as they can carry, rent a pink seven-seater (complete with bespoke headlight eyelashes), and drive from the West Midlands to the Welsh countryside for a weekend of debauchery.

Zara (Lucie Shorthouse) is a caricature of a bridezilla: superficial, self-obsessed and hyper-fixated on making sure her hen party and wedding are picture-perfect (“How dare you put my wedding into perspective!”). Her two bridesmaids, childhood best friend Shelly (Callie Cook) and cousin Jen (Kate O’Flynn) are also along for the ride, alongside auntie Veena (Lauren O’Rourke) and Bernadette (Elizabeth Berrington).

Too busy getting black-out drunk and being on the receiving end of lap dances from a gold hotpants-clad stripper to pay attention to the news playing silently on the TV in the background, the group are oblivious to the rapidly unfolding epidemic of the extremely virulent “crab measles” (no further explanation is offered) which proceeds to wipe out the entirety of the country’s male population in the space of 48 hours. All except the male stripper, Drew (Ben McGregor), passed out in the living room after the previous night’s antics. In an attempt to preserve the human race, the group then handcuff him to a radiator for nine weeks. At one point he threatens to castrate himself with a spork.

Lucie Shorthouse as Zara
BBC / Various Artists Ltd.

Hungry, increasingly claustrophobic and armed with makeshift spears (pink dildos sellotaped to mops), the hens eventually break quarantine and find themselves confronted with a group of rabid Claire-from-Fleabag-esque Pilates instructors in barefoot shoes, determined to fight them to the death for possession of the last man on Earth.

One of the show’s writers is Caitlin Moran’s sister, Caroline, which you’d think would be a good sign. Unfortunately, Henpocalypse does not stick the landing. While there are some genuinely funny one-liners – “I’m awfully dribbly when I cough”– the rest of the script is made up almost entirely of penis, vagina and fecal gags, the novelty of which, very much like a hen party, begins to wear off after the first 20 minutes. And such gems as “solid norks” (nice breasts, apparently), and “nosh off” (I’ll leave you to Google that one), it feels as though the writers stopped consuming popular culture after the last season of The Inbetweeners.

It’s a shame, as there are no faults to be found with the cast. Berrington in particular shines as the indomitable matriarch of the group (and of the Asda meat counter), delivering an abundance of menopause-related gags with impeccable comedic finesse. And a surprise – if extremely bizarre – cameo from none other than Danny Dyer is genuinely hilarious. Unfortunately the material these fine actors are working with is flimsier than a cheap dildo.

Henpocalypse! will air on BBC Two at 10pm on August 15

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