Chip bandits, lone wolves and prolific orderers... how to survive London's food sharing tribes

A generous spirit prevails in London’s restaurants and it’s taking bites out of your dinner. Susannah Butter serves up some rules
Share options: which London food sharing tribe do you belong to?

As confessions go, it is one that takes real backbone. Out to dinner at Palomar with a new friend, he made a serious face. “I’ll tell you before we order so that it doesn’t ruin our meals — I don’t like sharing.”

At a time when we are forever being told that we live in a sharing economy — three cheers for cheap Uber taxis and Airbnb apartments! — admitting that you actually prefer boundaries of ownership is taboo.

There are complex social mores to navigate. Our table at Palomar had been wrangled months in advance so my pal didn’t want his long-awaited meal to be ruined by some chancer trying to maximise their enjoyment through trying not only their choices but his too.

By the same token I felt it was somehow a waste not to share. Especially as we both wanted the pork belly. If he ordered it and I didn’t, would it be social suicide to ask for a tiny bite, or should I just try my luck while he was in the bathroom and steal a slice?

Now there is even a report that says sharing can make you a better person. According to researchers at the University of Antwerp, those who don’t hog their portions are more likely to volunteer or give up their seat and generally be good eggs. In the spirit of this, I will share my knowledge with you. Here are London’s sharing tribes and how to survive them.

The chip bandit

Simply because a food is easy to share it doesn’t automatically mean it should be. The chip bandit takes advantage of that. “I’ll just have one,” is their common refrain, before they reach in and grab a whole handful. It feels petty to retort, “er, can you not count, that is definitely not just one chip”, because they are small and you have a whole plateful. But it is the principle of the thing. If they wanted chips they should have ordered their own.

The power sharer

No one is immune from the power sharer, even those who have made the strongest vows that this will be their healthy day. Here’s how they operate. You congratulate yourself on ordering the salad option and at the last minute, when the waiter is about to leave, they drop the bombshell — “Oh, go on, let’s get some garlic bread. To share. You can just have a taste.”

When said greasy carbohydrate arrive, power sharers are unfazed. They may nibble idly and then leave it on the table, impossible for you to ignore, ruining your enjoyment of the salad. And that is before you have reached the dessert menu.

The prolific orderer

In an age of tasting plates, this breed has been allowed to thrive. Indecision is encouraged — the plates are small, so why not order 10 different things and divvy them up so that the whole party can try everything? After all, they have seen pictures of all the dishes on Instagram and don’t want to fall victim to fear of missing out.

It’s all very well in theory, until you have to factor in Maud’s vegetarianism, Lulu’s gluten intolerance and Ben, who just can’t deal with spicy food. Cue a mammoth negotiation session leaving you too exhausted to enjoy the meal and no chance of ordering anything you actually like.

The lone wolf

A product of growing up in a culture where they had to grab what they could, lone wolves don’t mention the “s” word. Instead they get on with eating what they have decided to order as quickly as possible before inevitably some shameless wag chimes in and asks for a bite.

If you approach them carefully they won’t mind giving you a tiny try, as long as it really is just that and it isn’t at the start of the meal. You have to respect their boundaries and let them taste their meal first.

The no-boundaries

A disaster for germophobes, these people dive in with wild abandon, trailing their sleeves in your mashed polenta side-dish. You don’t want to appear prudish or selfish but watching them leave a trail of slobber around your plate is enough to make you lose your appetite.

The upside is it helps if you’re trying to cut back on calorie intake. Who wants what someone else has poked around in?

The martyr

Usually seen with vegetarians and a faint expression of resentment. If you’re going out for a meal with your non-meat-eating beloved who wants to try two dishes but you don’t want to rock the boat, you may find yourself agreeing to share both the butternut squash options.

The condition is they have to let you stop off for a Big Mac to fill up on the way home.

Latest London food trends

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WHERE TO SHARE

Nopi

No one orders just one dish at Yotam Ottolenghi’s restaurant. The price adds up but it is worth it.

21-22 Warwick Street, W1, ottolenghi.co.uk

Polpetto

Head Chef Florence Knight has mastered the seasonal small plates game.

11 Berwick Street, W1, polpetto.co.uk

Boopshi’s

When you have a whole schnitzel to yourself it makes sense to share sides.

31 Windmill Street, W1, boopshis.com

100 Hoxton

Traditional meal structure is rejected at this Asian-inspired restaurant.

100-102 Hoxton Street, N1, 100hoxton.com

Dishoom

The Bombay Café has just opened a third branch in King’s Cross. The murgh masala is too tasty to keep to yourself.

5 Stable Street, N1, dishoom.com

Communal space: The King’s Cross branch of Dishoom

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