Clueless at The Mitre

Gastro-itis is rife, with foodie-friendly boozers multiplying faster than branches of Starbucks. The Spirit Group, whose portfolio includes dependable standbys such as Lots Road Dining Room in Chelsea, has transformed W11's mangy Rat & Parrot into yet another gastro-pub-by-numbers.

The re-fit holds no surprises for anyone au fait with the genre: open kitchen, mismatched seating, solid wooden tables and 1950s-style accents are all part of a well-worn formula.

What does come as a surprise is the clueless service. Having arrived at 9pm, to a thinly populated room, our order nevertheless remains untaken and our table unwiped a full hour later.

Cocktails are an ordeal - a Dirty Martini can't be made as 'we don't have that brand of gin' (huh?) and in the absence of cachaça, a rum drowned in soda masquerades as a Caipirinha.

When our mains eventually appear, the taste of my guinea fowl is obliterated by its overfiery chorizo and crunchy white bean partners, while le Parisien's roast belly of pork, red cabbage and mash is acknowledged with a Gallic shrug.

On the stroke of 11pm, the lights go up, the room is cleared and chairs stacked on tables, as we cling to our Chilean Merlot for dear life, any hope of pudding, coffee or digestif dashed.

With prices on a par with a slew of truly good restaurants in this neighbourhood, frankly, why put up with the farce?

40 Holland Park Avenue W11. Tel: 020 7727 6332. Tube: Holland Park

The Mitre
40 Holland Park Avenue, W11 3QY