No more drunken calls!

Does this scenario sound familiar?..

You go to the pub, get very drunk, then decide, in your beer-fuelled wisdom, that it's the perfect time to ring or text your ex, your boss or your lover - only to wake up the next morning and shudder at what you did the night before.

Well, help is at hand. Drunken texting and slurred phone-calls are a thing of the past thanks to the amazing new Alco-Phone.

The Alco-Phone mobile has a built in breathalyser to check if you are 'over the limit'.

Before heading off to the pub or club, you follow some simple steps on the mobile to identify contacts who might be at 'high risk' of receiving a drunken phone call. The Alco-Phone will then lock all calls to these numbers prior to a breathalyser test.

The breathalyser on the mouthpiece of the phone will measure if the user is below the limit of 35 micrograms of alcohol in 100 mililitres of breath. If so the phone will unlock and the user is permitted to make one call or send one text to a 'high risk' person.

A reading of between 35 and 70 micrograms will allow the user to only call or text people who have not been identified as 'high risk'. But if you've had a bit too much and the reading is greater than 70 micrograms users will only be able to use their handsets to make 999 calls.

A spokesperson for Virgin, the makers of the new Alco-Phone, said: "This revolutionary phone will make a massive difference to people's lives. Never again will you wake up the next day thinking, 'Oh no, what did I say?'."

The limited edition Virgin Alco-Phone is available from 1 April with all good April Fool stories. First 20 callers receive a free adaptor.