Dear Hettie
People have been complaining about the advertisements for my new range of pants for H&M, saying that they’re offensive and unsuitable for children. I’m not sure I’ve done anything wrong. It’s hardly my fault I’ve got a great package. I don’t complain when bras get advertised by women with a lot up front. Far from it. Do I have to stick to boxers from now on?
Yours, David Beckham*
I’m with you (oh, if only!). There is absolutely a double standard here, you’re quite right. We barely blink at the sight of boobs busting out everywhere we look – ads, art, the red carpet – but still get all hot and bothered by a bit of a bulge in the trouser department. Although, to be fair, it is quite a bulge... But what’s a poor chap to do when he’s got a great big pile of tighty-whities to shift and the physique of a demi god at his disposal? No, you made exactly the right decision and pity the fools who can’t see that. Or maybe they’re just jealous (cf poor Samantha Brick’s struggle with being too beautiful - maybe you should give her a call? No, silly me, you probably already have, she’s that beautiful). Personally, I think you’ve done us proud on three counts: first, that you’ve given us something very lovely to rest our eyes on; second, for once it’s a man who’s stripped down to his scanties in the name of business; and third, I hear that they are really very very well-made pants. No, really, I have heard that. Or did I just decide it from sitting marvelling for so long at the miraculous support they offer?
*Becks' quandary as imagined by ES
