Hej Hettie
There’s a new female Scandinavian detective on the scene – blonde, Swedish – and it’s bothering me. I don’t know... when I stare off into the middle distance, I get a feeling about her. This Saga Norén, people are already talking as if she’s stolen my thunder – she’s collaborating with a hunky Danish sidekick, which is really my line of work (even if they tend not to live to tell the tale). What am I going to do about her?
Tak, Sarah Lund*
Hej Sarah. Tak for the letter. I can see what you might be feeling a bit jittery about now, even if you are wrapped up in one of those cosy Faroese jumpers, but I don’t think you need to worry. First of all, she’s blonde, and, well, blonde and brooding just doesn’t have the same impact as brunette and brooding. Nor does she have a Nicotine-gum dependency. And without that, what is she? Just a copycat weirdo (no offence) loner with poor interpersonal skills and a good line in monosyllabic responses. Piffle. You don’t need a vintage Porsche and a tight pair of leather trousers to make us sit up and take notice; one look from you and even the toughest tough man starts talking. Plus, everyone knows that if you want to stay out of trouble, you DON’T HAVE SEX. Sex only ever causes trouble, especially when you’re busy solving dark and dirty crimes. For example: you almost, but not quite, kissed your partner during series two, but didn’t because when you stared off into the middle distance, you felt something wasn’t quite right (even though we were willing you to). And as it turned out, that was a lucky escape. Saga Norén should watch and learn.
*Sarah Lund’s quandary
as imagined by ES
