Laura Craik on miracle skincare, TFL’s unwise words and London’s new hair hub

“If you want to age gracefully with just filtered water and a pot of cold cream, move to Denmark. This is London”
NurPhoto via Getty Images
Laura Craik3 May 2018

Of the 70,453 emails I received flogging products off the back of the poor, blameless royal baby, one of the most surprising was for Biotulin, a ‘miracle gel’ which, according to the sender, is the reason the Duchess of Postpartum Amazingness looked so great.

That she recommended said gel to her good friends Michelle ’n’ Meghan (Obama and Markle, duh) is allegedly the reason they both look so great, too. Naturally, I’m sold. Slather me in Biotulin, baby. No one is more susceptible to miracle skincare claims than a pollution-addled Londoner past the first flush of youth.

You know the most traumatic thing about ageing? Watching all your peers look dramatically plumper, firmer and smoother, while you stand there like a raddled crone. In the quest to remain Botox/filler-free, there are no rewards. Why am I even bothering? It’s like I’m playing a game with myself called: How Long Can I Hold Out? Nobody gives a f*** how long I hold out. My family wouldn’t even notice if I came home one day with lips like Jackie Stallone.

When you’re a Botox refusenik, you become an expert on non-invasive procedures. The best facial is Skinwork (at Alex Eagle; Mick Jagger and Sam Taylor Johnson are fans). The best non-injectable skin specialist is Debbie Thomas. The best DIY treatment is a £25 rose quartz sculpting tool (a leading plastic surgeon told its biochemist creator that if women spent two minutes a day massaging their face, he would see 80 per cent fewer clients). And the best skincare for those serious about preserving their youth is bespoke. Swiss brand Allél (available at the Cadogan Clinic) tailors its skincare according to the results of a DNA test that studies 16 genetic markers: at £1,500 (which includes three months of products) it’s not cheap, but neither is a Restylane habit. The market for personalised skincare is predicted to grow hugely: the Me generation expects nothing less. If you want to age gracefully with no more sophisticated an arsenal than gallons of filtered water and a pot of cold cream, move to Denmark. This is London: we all need to do whatever it takes.

Mis-quoted

They started off being quite sweet, but TFL’s Quotes of the Day, generally written up on a whiteboard are beginning to grate a bit. ‘During the heatwave please dress for the body you have… not the body you want!’ quoth the missive greeting hapless passengers at Blackhorse Road station last week. Nobody wants a side order of body-shaming with their morning commute. Stick with the Shakespeare quotes.

Fringe Benefits

Twice a year, I go to George Northwood’s salon and get my hair cut by Roi, an affable bloke whom Tatler once described as ‘extremely attractive’. I saw Roi on Tuesday and, as always, tried to pump him for hair trends. ‘Everyone’s growing out their fringes,’ he said. I waited for more. Nothing was forthcoming. ‘I can’t spin a column out of that,’ I told him. Pause. ‘Maybe I’ll write about you.’ Roi looked nonplussed, as nonchalantly talented hairdressers are wont to do. The problem with writing about Roi is that, while he does everyone — and I mean everyone — it’s bad form to name them. So I won’t. Meanwhile, Daniel Hersheson has defected from Conduit Street and opened a shiny new salon round the corner from George’s, at 29 Berners Street. Seems like Fitzrovia is Mayfair’s new, um, hair apparent. I wish some cool London hairdresser or other would open a salon named like a bad 1980s pun. Million Hairs? Sherlock Combs? I think they’d do well.

Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock

Create a FREE account to continue reading

eros

Registration is a free and easy way to support our journalism.

Join our community where you can: comment on stories; sign up to newsletters; enter competitions and access content on our app.

Your email address

Must be at least 6 characters, include an upper and lower case character and a number

You must be at least 18 years old to create an account

* Required fields

Already have an account? SIGN IN

By clicking Create Account you confirm that your data has been entered correctly and you have read and agree to our Terms of use , Cookie policy and Privacy policy .

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged in

MORE ABOUT