Jack Guinness goes on a weekend Safari to Botswana and Zimbabwe

The Queer Bible founder escapes the Big Smoke to commune with nature 
Andy Brunner/Unsplash
Jack Guinness5 July 2019

What’s your favourite thing you did last year? Do you treasure memories of endless nights in the pub, non-stop Deliveroos, or Uber drives? No of course not.

My bet is that you remember the big stuff: a festival, a wedding, even a fun funeral of someone you secretly hated.

Our generation, priced out of the housing market, aren’t shackled in the same way previous generations are. We’re turning away from amassing things in favour of experiences. The more unique, the better. So why not save up all that money you spend on luxuries that don’t enrich your life, and do something extraordinary?

Lots of my mates have worked their way up to good jobs, but they’re time poor. Limited holidays leave us scrambling to make the most of our weekends. If we’re lucky and organised we go on short city breaks. It got me thinking... what’s the farthest afield we can go, and what’s the most amazing thing we can do, on a long weekend break? Stay with me... one word... SAFARI!

Safari is one of those things we never get around to doing. To me, it had always seemed completely out of reach. It was something other people did like skiing, going to the gym, or being happy! There was never enough time or money. But anyone I know that’s been, says that the experience is life-changing, food for the mind and soul. So I decided to go for it. Weekend Safari here I come!

Getting there: Thursday night

For the time-strapped traveller flying overnight is a smart move. Don’t waste one of your precious days off- travel while you sleep. We got a great deal on Premium Economy seats - it was cheaper than Economy and meant that we could actually wake up rested.

Day 1: Friday

We land in Johannesburg, South Africa, and get a connecting flight to Kasane in Botswana. From there we're picked up and driven through Chobe National Park to our stunning Ngoma Lodge, where profits get reinvested into the local community. The welcoming and beautiful individual lodges look out onto the flood plains. You instantly feel like you’re in a movie and things just get more surreal from there.

Wasting no time we head off for an afternoon safari in an open-top jeep (VERY Jurassic Park). Sam, our local guide, drives us through herds of elephants, impala and giraffes. I can’t tell you how mind blowing it is. The animals roam about together- it’s bizarre and overwhelming. You have to constantly remind your brain that it’s real and you haven’t fallen into a David Attenborough doc.

Day 2: Saturday

We head out on a river tour in a beautiful tiny boat, but when all we see is birds my heart sinks. Is this going to be four hours of twitching? Then, as we turn a bend in the river our boat is surrounded by elephants swimming across the river.

As they reach the bank, one turns around and sprays us with water from its trunk. We see hippos waddling about with their babies, crocodiles bobbing around in the water and more Dumbos than my brain can process. Probably the most incredible day of my life.

Day 3: Sunday

We leave Ngoma and drive across the border to Zimbabwe. Normally by this point on a Sunday I would be lying hungover on the couch eating a McDonalds and crying... this weekend I've seen all the animals from the Lion King and been to THREE African countries. I AM WINNING AT LIFE. We arrive at the stunning Victoria Falls Safari Club just in time for the Vulture feeding. It’s as terrifying and fascinating as it sounds.

Sunset then arrives onboard the Zambezi River Explorer boat cruise. A stunning end to the day (and great light for selfies - don’t judge me).

Day 4: Monday

Local guide Zulu takes us on a tour of one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World, Victoria Falls. Its original name (Mosi-oa-Tunya) translates to ‘The Smoke That Thunders’ - much cooler than Vicky Falls. I won’t bother trying to describe the awesome wonder of the place, but I see a triple rainbow in the spray and cry. Lots. Enough said.

A short helicopter tour over the falls rounds off our once in a lifetime trip.

The Victoria Falls Safari Club hosts a Boma Dinner and Drum Show on our final evening. Everyone gets tipsy and tourists from all over the world dance together to the beat of African drums... it isn't a cringe as it sounds. It's like a brilliant international wedding. We've all been brought together to learn about, celebrate and experience this rich culture and incredible country.

For more photos and LOLs check out my Instagram Stories Archive and feed!

Audley Travel offers tailor-made trips to Botswana and Zimbabwe. A long weekend trip costs from £3,780 per person (based on two sharing). The price includes two nights at Victoria Falls Safari Club with dinner, bed and breakfast included and two nights at Ngoma Safari Lodge on a fully inclusive basis. Excursions include a dinner and drum show, luxury sunset cruise, guided tour of the falls, 15-minute head and shoulder massage and up to four safari activities per day at Ngoma Lodge. The price also includes all flights as well as private transfers. Victoria Falls entry fee of $30 per person is not included. For more information visit www.audleytravel.com or call 01993 838590.

For clients who would like to extend their stay, a trip including all the above plus three nights in a luxury tented camp on a fully inclusive basis in the Okavango Delta, with two safari activities each day, costs from £6,340 per person (based on two sharing).

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