Dear confederacy of dunces, from the enlightened states

 
29 October 2012

A spoof email has been circulating about the presidential elections from a “Citizen of the Enlightened States of America”, addressed to the Red States of the Republican party.

“Dear Red States, We’re ticked off at your neanderthal attitudes and we decided we’re leaving. We in New York intend to form our own country and we’re taking the other Blue States [Democratic party] with us.

“With the Blue States we will control 80 per cent of the country’s fresh water, 92 per cent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 per cent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 per cent of all cheese, 90 per cent of the high-tech industry ... all the Ivy League schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and MIT.

“With the Red States you will have to cope with 88 per cent of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92 per cent of mosquitoes, 99 per cent of all Southern Baptists, and virtually 100 per cent of all televangelists ... We’re taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.”

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