Londoners Diary: Help spot the clichés at this year’s Frieze

 
Banality bites: Miriam Elia (Picture: Iona Wolff)
Iona Wolff
15 October 2014

Art world phonies and emperor’s new clothing enthusiasts beware — the satirical artist Miriam Elia has struck again. Earlier this year Elia delighted cynics and scandalised Turner Prize devotees by publishing We Go to the Gallery, a Ladybird-esque children’s book that parodied the contemporary art scene.

Now, in honour of this week’s Frieze art fair, Elia has created another work, in the style of the Sixties I-Spy books, listing the comical clichés to look out for.

“I wrote it two or three years ago as an art school checklist,” says Elia. “The only difference between art school clichés and what you find at Frieze is that they’ve got more money to throw around. It’s all the same stuff — mannequins with bits missing, broken glass, ‘controversial’ video installations.”

While training at the Royal College of Art Elia was driven crazy by the fact that “you had to be polite about everyone’s work. Everything wasn’t really ‘about’ anything.

“It was just the artists ‘going on a journey’, talking about themselves — you couldn’t have an honest reaction. I think that’s why I gravitated towards comedy. At least laughter is an honest response.”

Here are three on the right (with the cover of the magazine pictured bottom right). For those looking for the full list i-D magazine will have them all up online when Frieze opens to the public tomorrow. Let us know how many you spot.

The mystery of Miliband’s disappearing US strategist

Where in the world is David Axelrod? There was much fuss back in April when the globetrotting ex-Obama aide was hired by Ed Miliband to provide him with a sprinkling of West Wing magic. But six months later and there was no sign of the guru at the Labour Party conference.

His absence (alongside a distinctly unObama-esque performance from the Labour leader) has got the troops grumbling. “An online search reveals no sign of Axelrod’s activity as a paid senior stategist to the Labour Party since May,” thunders former Labour staffer Richard Heller over at Politics.co.uk, adding: “It is hard to trace any positive Axelrod impact on Labour’s fortunes.” Heller credits him with securing Miliband’s meeting with President Obama. Given the six- figure sum Labour paid for Axelrod’s services, let’s hope Ed enjoyed his trip to the White House.

But perhaps there is a simple explanation after all. Arnie Graf, another of Ed’s American advisers, got into hot water when someone leaked allegations about his visa not being in order — maybe Axelrod has simply found himself on the wrong side of Theresa May’s new border heavies.

Marbles back on the agenda

As The Londoner revealed last week, Amal Clooney (nee Alamuddin) is heading to Athens to assist the Greek government in its bid to secure the return of the Elgin Marbles. But with such a strong advocate working for the Greek side, who could make the argument for them to stay in London? Surely British Museum director Neil MacGregor should speak up?

The Londoner asked the British Museum whether he’d like to comment but its spokesman says MacGregor is rather preoccupied with launching his exhibition on Germany at the moment. One country at a time ...

Tiger who ate all the buns

As everyone from Lindsay Lohan to Labour peer Helena Kennedy crowded into Park Lane’s InterContinental Hotel for yesterday’s Women of the Year Awards, many guests were expressing outrage at the head of Microsoft’s recent claim that women should simply trust in “the system” rather than asking for a raise.

But children’s writer Judith Kerr confessed that in the only non-publishing job she’d done, “I’m sure I was paid more than I was worth because I wasn’t terribly efficient.

“It was during the war,” laughed the 91-year-old. “I was a secretary. I was OK at typing but was always drawing in the margins, and whenever I had to buy buns for tea, I would end up eating them and have to get more myself.”

Sounds rather like a certain tiger who once dropped by for tea.

Paltry premiere for star pairing

Jennifer Lawrence made a surprise appearance yesterday at Screen 7 of the Vue West End, where the Depression-era melodrama Serena had an oddly low-key world premiere at the BFI London Film Festival.

The movie, shot in 2012, pairs Lawrence with her Silver Linings Playbook co-star Bradley Cooper. But the distinct lack of fanfare might make one think it’s a bit of a stinker. Introducing the film last night, director Susanne Bier expressed her hope that everyone would enjoy the movie. “If you don’t,” quipped Lawrence, “don’t tweet about it!”

The Londoner promises, hand on heart, that we did not tweet.

Happy Ada Lovelace Day

It is Ada Lovelace Day, when Lord Byron’s daughter is remembered for being a computer programmer even before the machines existed. Excuse the retro-gossip here but I must reveal that Ada also rather enjoyed a jaunt at the races. A letter written in 1850 from painter Selina Bracebridge to Frances Nightingale, Florence’s mother, observed “how sadly she has inherited her father’s disposition and mind”, throwing in that Lovelace had lost £20,000 at Epsom. Eh? We think that would be about £1billion today. Pass the calculator.

Cara: just do what it says on the shirt

Cara Delevingne used a T-shirt and Instagram to share a message with her 7.5 million followers last night. Dressed in one of the Self Evident Truths project’s We Are You tops, the supermodel — who dated actress Michelle Rodriguez earlier this year and is currently rumoured to be with her Tulip Fever co-star Jack O’Connell — wrote: “Doesn’t matter who you are or what you believe, we are one! I’m late for National Coming Out Day [October 11] but better late then never. Don’t be scared to be who you are.” As her Instagram bio reads: stop labelling, start living.

Special message: Cara Delevingne (Picture: instagram.com/caradelevingne)

Blood goes to Marc’s head

Artist Marc Quinn and singer Jenny Bastet, pictured, were in Mayfair last night as Phillips auction house found a new home on Berkeley Square.

Marc is most famous for his sculptures of Kate Moss but is also known for Self, a sculpture of his own head made from 4.5 litres of his own blood, extracted and frozen into a mould.

Quinn creates a new version of the piece every five years, which the National Portrait Gallery says is a document of his “physical transformation and deterioration”.

The occasional selfie could probably do the same — no plasma extraction required.

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