Londoner's Diary: Marks dressed down by the fashion sparks

No to posh nosh: Jefferson Hack
Ben A. Pruchnie / Getty
8 January 2016

It was announced yesterday that Marc Bolland, the Marks & Spencer chief executive, is stepping down in April after disappointing Christmas sales. Bolland, who will be replaced by brand stalwart Steve Rowe, insisted that he had always planned to quit this year but the 5.8 per cent drop in sales is not the greatest high on which to depart. The Londoner assumed the fashion world would be devastated — Bolland has, after all, been at the helm for six years — but he failed to convert at least one of the country’s most important style gurus.

London Collections: Men, the city’s fashion week for the testosterone-filled, launched with a party at Spencer House in St James’s last night, hosted by the British Fashion Council’s Caroline Rush and Dazed publisher Jefferson Hack. The Londoner, keen to hear Hack’s thoughts, asked if Bolland’s exit spelled bad news for the brand. Hack said the high price of M&S food had put him off even going into the store. “I haven’t been to Marks & Spencer in 20 years,” he said. “It’s too posh for me.”

So where does the Hackster go? “I shop in Co-op, I’m up for Lidl and Aldi. I’m all about diversity!” A damning indictment but a preference for bargains makes sense: Hack was once in a long-term relationship with Kate Moss, and she’s definitely a Topshop woman.

But it’s not all doom and gloom: also at the party was model David Gandy, who is an ambassador for London Collections and has a range of underwear with M&S. Unsurprisingly, he is more optimistic. “There’s plenty to be happy about but I can only comment on my brand,” he said. “And we are constantly expanding.” Ooh-er.

***

As soon as it was revealed that the four elements completing the seventh row of the periodic table had been synthesised, the scramble to name them started coming from all corners. A particular favourite of the Londoner’s is a petition started by Terry Pratchett fans, to name Element 117 “Octarine”, in honour of “the colour of magic”, from the Discworld books. With more than 12,000 signatures so far, we wish them the best of luck.

Peston’s Radio 4 farewell is a Mair

Robert Peston had his on-air BBC farewell on Eddie Mair’s PM on Radio 4 yesterday. The pair have long enjoyed a light-hearted feud, and Mair didn’t pull his punches. “So,” he began, “tell us about the procedure when you get fired...” Peston took it in good grace, despite the fact that he resigned.

Mair continued: “I know we’ve had our moments over the years where I’ve said you’re not a very gifted broadcaster, and goodness you go on, and sometimes you don’t make any sense...[but I] wish you all the best with it wherever you are going.” It’s called ITV, Eddie. The final indignity came as he signed off to “Robin Preston”. To Mair is human, to forgive...

Gong fever for the breakfast club

No one can actually be this happy so early in the morning — but then Stephen Fry and Gugu Mbatha-Raw are excellent actors. The pair were at Bafta Piccadilly today to announce the names on the EE-sponsored 69th Bafta nominations list. There were no massive surprises on the red carpet: Carol, starring Cate Blanchett, and The Revenant (the film in which Leonardo DiCaprio shows Dalston what a beard should look like) are two of the box office heavy hitters up for several of the golden masks. Break a leg, chaps.

Actress Gugu Mbatha-Raw
Stuart C. Wilson / Getty

Did Chris Grayling kidnap Hangle?

A note landed in The Londoner’s inbox: “You heard the one about Grayling and the puppet?” Unbeknown to us, before joining Parliament in 2001 the current leader of the House of Commons was embroiled in an odd scandal. In the Nineties, he was a director for TV company Workhouse Ltd — his role was to oversee internal comms for corporate clients.

“He was furious that his part of the business made all the profits and paid for losses in the other areas,” we were told. His ire was directed in particular at Workhouse’s children’s TV series Wizadora. One day “during the filming of a series of Wizadora, the Hangle puppet [the talking coat-hanger] vanished from the production office — on the wall had been posted a ransom note in cut-out letters from a newspaper”. Fingers were pointed at Grayling, whose love of pranks was well known. A delegation from Wizadora marched into his office and found the kidnapped puppet. Hangle was “grudgingly returned”, and all was good in the world again.

We called Grayling’s adviser, and after much giggling were told that he indeed used to play pranks on his colleagues, and though he didn’t remember this one, him doing this wouldn’t have been surprising. But how could one forget about holding a puppet to ransom? How many puppets has Grayling kidnapped? How many letters of ransom has he written? Freedom of Information requests on a postcard, please.

***

It's only eight days into the new year, so you can’t be bored of Shakespeare yet. Right? Good.

Time, then, for the Bard’s take on the UK’s political scene. Writer Chris Waterman is penning regular sketches, under the moniker of Chris Bard, and his first is “Tempest-you-us”: Cameron starring as Julius Caesar, Osborne as “that spare Brutus. He counts too much”, and Boris as Bottom, with “a plump but hungry look”.

Alastair’s airport antics

“Now there’s a nice surprise as I walk through City Airport,” tweeted Alastair Campbell yesterday with a picture of a shelf at WHSmith carrying his book Winners and How They Succeed.

The political commentator and one-time spin doctor to Tony Blair told The Londoner this morning it actually was a bit of a shock: “I hadn’t even seen the paperback myself. I asked the shop assistant if she wanted me to sign them and she made a call to her boss and said yes. I do it a lot in airport stores because it passes the time and the publisher always recommends it. Anyway, they had so many books I almost missed the flight to Edinburgh.”

He added that he “didn’t sign all the Toblerones but bought one”. What a man of the people.

Error of the day: to Google translate: a tech glitch resulted in “Russia” being translated to “Mordor” and foreign minister Sergei Lavrov to “sad little horse”. Oh nyet.

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