Londoner's Diary: Parking fiasco as supercars clog the streets

Money no object: a Porsche gets a ticket in Knightsbridge
Carl Court / Staff
31 March 2016

The supercars have arrived: it’s the time of year when the mega-rich come to flaunt their luxury wheels in west London, locking horns with the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. Think of it as a race between a mud-spattered Land Rover and a Bugatti Veyron.

The latest skirmish includes making a mockery of RBK&C’s parking bay system. Since NCP and hotel car parks can cost about the same for a long stay as a parking ticket, why risk scraping your Lambo underground? Fines are such small change for the owners that they are leaving their rides on the street for days and letting the tickets pile up — and the parking department admits there is nothing it can do.

The council has already been trying to put the brakes on the supercars: in November 2014 it issued a public spaces protection order banning activities including “revving of engines; repeated sudden or rapid acceleration; racing” as well as playing music, honking horns and performing stunts (how vulgar).

But on parking fines it is bound by the idea that we live in a society of equals (sort of). Fines for parking illegally in the majority of its streets are £130 (£65 for prompt payment). However, there’s no way wardens can discriminate. “A parking ticket is a parking ticket — it doesn’t matter if you’re in a Ford Fiesta or a gold Rolls-Royce,” said a council spokesman.

Perhaps west London could take some inspiration from Scandinavia, where speeding fines are proportional to an offender’s income. The most famous example is Anssi Vanjoki, a Nokia executive who got a €116,000 speeding ticket in Finland in 2001.

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Donald Trump may have gone from a joke to a nightmare but is he just the latest incarnation of Ancient Athens’ favourite bad boy? This week’s Spectator Ancient and Modern column compares the wannabe prez to Cleon, who took over after the death of Pericles in 429 BC “with no known political or military experience behind him”. “It was this ‘brutal and insolent’ speaker, said the historian Plutarch, who introduced shouting and abuse and excessive gesturing, encouraging other speakers to behave equally irresponsibly.” Little detail is available on whether or not he had a combover or a permatan, though.

A dashing raid on royal frocks and coats

How will fashion bible Vogue mark the Queen’s 90th birthday? Browsing our favourite Marylebone antiques stall last month, The Londoner stumbled across five beautiful cocktail frocks and coats hanging on a wall. We were told the Fifties ensembles were designed by “First Fashion Knight” Sir Norman Hartnell, who made the Queen’s wedding dress and coronation gown but before we could make an offer, a Vogue team whisked the garments away for a photoshoot.

We hope they go to a good home. A fashionista, clearly unfamiliar with the royal couturier, was heard to say “Hartnell? What was his first name?” Oh, how ephemeral is fashion and its creators.

On shoot among the green shoots

Kate, meet kale. Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet was stocking up on a bouquet of the trendy superfood in New York yesterday — she presumably has tired of iceberg lettuce — as she shot market scenes on the set of new film Collateral Beauty. The film follows the trials of an advertising executive, played by Will Smith, and also stars British screen sirens Helen Mirren, Keira Knightley and Naomie Harris. It’s always good to see our homegrown talent succeeding across the pond — we do hope their American counterparts don’t mind.

Jacob's a supporter of the nanny state

Beware, Lord Rose! The Londoner brings news that will leave the Remain campaign quaking in their boots — the Brexit army have wheeled out their most dangerous soldier to date. “My nanny campaigned with me for Brexit last Saturday in Somerset, she’s a staunch Brexiteer,” Jacob Rees-Mogg told the audience for comedian Matt Forde’s Political Party at the St James Theatre Studio last night.

Famous for canvassing with the boy she raised when he stood for election in the mean streets of Fife in 1997, Mrs Crooke has clearly already earned her stripes.

But back to more serious matters: Forde asked what the MP for North East Somerset made of his “sex symbol” status, to which he shot back: “I’m not Marilyn Monroe!” Rees-Mogg, however, had some kind words later on for David Cameron, who he somewhat patronisingly said had “great charm and very good manners”.

As for the mayoral campaign, Rees-Mogg unsurprisingly said that “Zac will win” but has always seen Sadiq Khan as a “good egg” since an incident in 2010. As a recently elected MP, Rees-Mogg went to vote against his own party on a bill. Khan, already by then a “senior Labour figure”, approached him to ask if he knew he was actually voting against the Government, as the voting system can be confusing. “It was an incredibly generous thing to do,” Rees-Mogg admitted.

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The Boring Conference is back at Conway Hall on May 7 after issues over the dates. “I had to adjust the schedule to avoid a clash with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day,” says organiser James Ward, “though we clash with National Scrapbooking Day.” Talks include coin sizes and their relationship to value and East German traffic lights. Watching paint dry is not on the roster.

Keep those red flags flying

The team behind the Olivier Awards is busy working on the ceremony, due to take place at the Royal Opera House on Sunday. But the person in charge of the seating plan can already rest easy. A photograph of the auditorium was tweeted this week, with pictures of attendees in their allocated seats in preparation for the event. Nominee Mark Rylance is set to be sat next to comedian Eddie Izzard. It should be an interesting evening for the pair, who share a keen interest in the workings of the Labour Party.

Rylance, however, is an outspoken Corbynite — he finds him “very human” — and Jezza tweeted his congrats when Rylance won an Oscar. Izzard, though, backed Andy Burnham in the leadership contest. Perhaps they should stick to theatre chat on the night.

Overreaction of the day: the Western Daily Press compared Jeremy Corbyn to Marie Antoinette because he ate a slice of lemon cake for breakfast while on holiday.

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