Londoner's Diary: Petsy’s kiss and tell features a Hardy perennial

Boris Johnson
Ben Pruchnie/Getty Images
30 March 2016

It’s difficult for a woman to define her feelings in language chiefly made by men to express theirs, as Thomas Hardy once noted, which may be why Petronella Wyatt got a little inspiration from the author for her Tory tell-all chronicles in the Mail on Sunday — and some of the stories she relates are as well-thumbed as any Victorian novel.

Of her “camaraderie” with Boris Johnson, she wrote: “A substantial affection can arise when two people are thrown together first by knowing the annoying sides of each other’s character and not the best till later on.”

A swottish friend of The Londoner recognised the phrase — “that substantial affection which arises... when the two who are thrown together begin first by knowing the rougher sides of each other’s character, and not the best till further on” from Hardy’s Far From the Madding Crowd. Throw in a passing reference to the “interstices of prosaic reality” and it looks as if Ms Wyatt is hoping for the happy ending Hardy gave to the young Bathsheba and hunk Gabriel Oak.

Next week promises further revelations: could they include the time she danced with David Cameron? In The Spectator in 2005 she told how Norman Lamont once tried to set them up; her regrets about not pursuing him were wheeled out in ES magazine in 2012; and she wrote about “the dress that made David Cameron beg me for a date” in the Mail in 2013. Perhaps it’s ready for another outing — the story, not the dress —although, as she adds, Armani never goes out of fashion. It’s classics all round for Petsy.

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The Londoner reported last week that many former Lib-Dem MPs had found gainful employment elsewhere, but what of those from other parties? As spotted by Economist hack Daniel Knowles, former Labour MP Eric Joyce, who had to leave the party after being convicted of assault, has written not one but two pieces from Brazzaville defending Denis Sassou-Nguesso’s third election as President of the Republic of Congo. Could that be the same election deemed so undemocratic that the EU refused to observe it?

Corbyn and the appliance of science

Back when Jeremy Corbyn’s ascent became the biggest surprise in politics, the then-aspiring Labour leader filled out venues and caused queues in the street. Will his older brother fare as well? Piers Corbyn, astrophysicist and weather expert, hasn’t exactly been helpful to his bro of late — he’s tweeted interest in the Leave campaign despite Jeremy backing Remain — and now he is set to give a talk in June at Hay’s How The Light Gets In Festival.

Entitled Truth, Power and Corruption, the philosophy session promises a consideration of science but Corbyn also plans to reveal “the hidden power structures that threaten our future.” Hopefully he doesn’t mean little Jezza.

Thief grabs a slice of Russian history

A fascinating glimpse of Russian history is missing, and it’s all down to an opportunistic thief.

Princess Katya Galitzine, pictured, writer and member of the Russian aristocracy — her father came to England on the British ship sent to collect the Dowager Empress Marie Feodorovna — is writing a book about the country houses of her home nation. But vital documents were swiped from her car on Gloucester Road on Monday March 21, while she was at the opera in Covent Garden.

“I had the best documents in the car because I had a meeting on the Wednesday with someone I hoped would sponsor the book”, she says. “There were photos from family and collected archives, plus notes, all the exercise books, in which I noted down page references.”

“There’s irony in losing such a heritage which has survived the Russian Revolution and survived 100 years. Our families were émigrés who took with them what they could carry: they chose to take them with them items like these.

“It’s like now, with people washed up in Greece and Turkey, just taking what they can carry.”

She had also left her laptop in the car but the thieves didn’t spot that. Instead their haul consists of irreplaceable items: “Old photos of old houses, strange handwritten documents, a 1929 catalogue of the houses, produced in Soviet times to show the extremes the bourgeois.”

Anyone who comes across such a bundle should contact Earl’s Court police or email diary@standard.co.uk.

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Good news for law-makers with delicate tastes: Parliament’s Strangers’ Dining Room and Churchill Dining Room have adjusted prices. “Standard and premium pork dishes [...] will increase by 50p,” says a note to all diners, “while premium poultry dishes (duck, cornfed chicken, guinea fowl, etc.) will decrease by 5p.” Forget sausage baps — in times of austerity, let them eat fowl!

Hail the Babycham effect

To the Royal Geographical Society in Kensington last night, where Grayson Perry, pictured, gave a lecture for global literary network English PEN.

Perry’s pots and tapestries have made him a household name but he used to fear becoming part of the commercial crowd. “I always saw myself as like the woman in the old Babycham advert,” he said, recalling the 1986 clip. “This couple come into a bar and the woman orders a Babycham. At this point Babycham was the naffest thing you could order, and everyone looks around horrified, but then this really cool guy looks over and says ‘you know what, I’ll have a Babycham too’. I see myself as that first woman. My first art dealer was that cool guy in the bar, and everyone else caught on about 30 years later.”

Sorry it took us so long.

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Tips of the day from Tatler, which is celebrating the Queen’s 90th birthday with a special which includes “18 signs that you might secretly be an illegitimate royal”. It could be you ...

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