The Londoner: Election fever hots up on the buses

Battle of the buses as election campaign gets underway | Chakrabarti's Hollywood makeover | David Attenborough's endangered ego |  Politics too batshit for satire?
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21 November 2019

As the election campaign gets motoring, The Londoner can reveal where the real action lies — on the battle buses. In the yellow corner the newly minted Lib Dems, who have thrown open their sliding doors to journos, breaking with their tradition of charging hacks for entry; a throwback to more cash-strapped days. The bus, a honeycomb yellow, is broadly emblazoned with the slogan “Jo Swinson’s Liberal Democrats”. Detractors mutter that this sounds suspiciously like a glam rock revival act. In the blue corner, the Tories have moved alarmingly in a different direction, banning the Daily Mirror from their campaign bus (pictured with leader Boris Johnson).

“I think it’s appalling”, wrote Jodie Ginsberg, chief executive of Index on Censorship, while even former party chairman Norman Tebbit was taken aback: “I think if I was running this campaign I would probably want to get my message through to Mirror readers.”

A Remain Tory insider told The Londoner: “Boris and buses don’t go too well together...” Presume Tory HQ’s “@Factcheck UK” are on board.

The Brexit Party’s battle bus is faring better than it did in July, when a forlorn light-blue vehicle was found broken down in a Brecon Beacons lay-by. Nigel Farage’s diminished troupe hope to unveil a new open-topped double decker soon.

Will man-of-the-people Farage be behind the wheel? “Nigel will be standing on top, outside in the rain,” said a spokesman. Presumably, due to the smoking ban.

Labour’s bright red battle bus was unveiled last month in Liverpool. Jeremy Corbyn smiled and waved to cameras before quipping: “It’s a free bus as well, by the way”. Nationalise it?

Finally, a minute’s silence for Change UK’s 2019 EU election bus, “the most rubbish battle bus in history”, according to an insider.

It ended up “parked outside a Wetherspoons near the railway station in Cardiff for two days”, says our source. Heckling drinkers had “an unusally perceptive insight into our prospects of electoral success”.

Perhaps it’s time for a political version of Coach Trip to liven up this election?

Taking a liberty

Baroness Chakrabarti, the shadow attorney general, is sceptical about her recent portrayal on the big screen, when she appeared as a character in the blockbuster Official Secrets. The film details GCHQ whistleblower Katharine Gun’s leaking of sensitive documents before the Iraq War. Chakrabarti, then director of human rights organisation Liberty, is played by actor Indira Varma.

“I was never that tall, never that slim, never that attractive, never that articulate,” Chakrabarti tells The Londoner. Therefore, she grinned, the film was “outrageous fake news”.

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Arch-remainer AC Grayling says he’s “still hopeful” Boris Johnson might not get a majority and won’t deliver Brexit. “A week’s a long time in politics, and there are three to go,” he tells us. On the People’s Vote implosion, the philosopher blames an “unfortunate and unforgivable personality clash” but insists the campaign can right itself. The power of positive thinking.

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Chris Addison says requests for another season of The Thick Of It will be granted “under no circumstances”. “Everything is so batshit that there’s no means of satirising it,” he tells Standard Issue podcast, adding: “I don’t think satire’s quite found its feet in this weird, weird age.”

Fig cocktails are all the rage at Blake's Below

(Dave Benett/Getty Images)
Dave Benett/Getty Images for L'O

It was a tale of two Guinnesses last night. At Blakes Below, Camilla Rutherford, Yasmin Mills, Pam Hogg and Tino Kamal enjoyed a cocktail of L’Orbe caviar-infused vodka, creme de fig and a fig garnish. Heiress Jasmine Guinness told The Londoner: “It doesn’t sound like a great idea, but it is delicious.” Also enthused by the infusion was music artist Tino Kamal who explained: “I’m not a rapper, I’m an artist. Rapping, singing, fashion, this, that, sex….it’s all art.” Steady on, Tino.

Across town another scion of the Guinness clan, Jack, popped up at the launch of the new JP Hackett store in Savile Row, alongside model Rosie Tapner and sunglasses entrepreneur Hugo Taylor. Guinness told The Londoner: “I never worry about looking like an idiot — fashion is all about taking risks.” Taylor was similarly chilled, asking “Who doesn’t like good tailoring? A great way to spend all your pocket money.” Deep pockets or just a very lucrative paper round?

Meanwhile, Ellie Goulding performed a set at the mothers2mothers Winter Gala Dinner.

SW1A

An antidote to the Westminster bubble is Aisha Cuthbert, Tory candidate for Lewisham West and Penge, who competed in an international synchronised swimming tournament for Great Britain in 2017. Cuthbert told The Londoner the 25-hour training weeks in the sport had given her the “resilience” needed for the rough and tumble of the Commons, and called for some choreography. “We need some synchronisation,” she told us. “We’re either swimming together or sinking.”

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Michael Fabricant denies he’s a “Poundland Boris Johnson”. The Tory candidate for Lichfield demurs: “I would simply point out that it is Boris who looks like me (at least on the hair front), not the other way round. I was in Parliament long before Boris.”

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The shadow Cabinet were on the 7.23am to Birmingham for the manifesto launch. A mole tells us they were in standard class and very cheery. Presumably because they all got seats?

What planet is modest Sir David on?

Sir David Attenborough is a man of little ego. The Blue Planet II narrator says: “It’s the cameraman and the video editor... who put it together with such skill, that actually there’s no commentary required.”

Speaking at the Chatham House Prize yesterday, where the Queen popped in to honour him with a gong, he almost talked himself out of a job by pointing out that “that, of course, explains why [Blue Planet II] had such a huge impact on the world at large. China is fascinated by this, and they can’t have understood a word I’m saying!” National treasure and way too modest.

Quote of the day

"Yeah, I enjoyed it"

Jo Swinson boasts that she's "not going to be one of those people" who claims they didn't inhale when smoking cannabis.

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