Fantasy - or nightmare?

Steve Morrissey11 April 2012
The Weekender

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The film to make stars with pay-cheques as big as their egos quake in their loafers, apparently. Final Fantasy uses Toy Story-style computer graphics to create 'real' sci-fi characters, thus rendering Pitt, Roberts, Clooney etc obsolete. Star of the virtual show is the phantom-possessed Aki (left) - Lara Croft minus frontpack - who has to collect a number of rings, or something, to neutralise her inner demon and simultaneously save the Universe.

Spot the platform game connection. Except in platformers, when you've played well, you move up a level. Final Fantasy never moves on, never even engages the attention, except to make you say 'Wow, isn't that hair realistic.' 'Ish.' The director's a game-boy and Japanese - and it shows. Taking Nippon's usual eco-obsession and folding it together with a bit of nonce-Gaya, Mr Sakaguchi comes up with an origami religion and proceeds to smother the movie with it. But there's worse. Our man's computer sims look and act like actors, rather than real people (which is why Aki's boyfriend is voiced by Stephen Baldwin, presumably). Thumbs - big toes, anything you've got - down. Still, huge sighs of relief over in LA. The big stars needn't be so afraid. In fact maybe they'll decide to get in on the act and sim themselves. Tom Cruise for ever, then, God help us.

Verdict: Fantossy

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