Chabal's hair, Sheridan's strength, Catt's brain and many other traits make this the perfect Guinness Premiership player

13 April 2012

The ultimate Guinness Premiership League player of the season was unveiled today - and it is not a pretty sight.

A panel of experts chose what they considered to be the best parts of every top performer in the league and put them together to create the super-player.

And the final result takes on the appearance of an Anglo-French giant.

The judging panel were asked to vote across nine categories ranging from ‘best rugby brain’ to ‘best cauliflower ears’ to create the definitive rugby-playing powerhouse.  

GUINNESS Ultimate Player - Body2 - Labelled.jpg

The result sees London Wasps’ Danny Cipriani kick Jonny Wilkinson’s famous left foot into touch, to sit alongside Charlie Hodgson’s right boot.

Leicester’s speed king, Tom Varndell’s legs were needed to inject some vital pace and support to the strength and size of Andrew Sheridan’s torso, the man mountain from Sale Sharks.

James Simpson-Daniel’s safe hands and Mike Catt’s rugby know-how gives the player a level head.

Although Mike Tindall’s nose and Pete Buxton’s ears have clearly seen better days, both were recognised as the perfect compliment to Sebastian Chabal’s iconic black locks and the giant body of a true Guinness Premiership legend.

And Simpson-Daniel of Gloucester said: “There are so many outstanding players in the Guinness Premiership that to even be considered is a real honour and a privilege – I am just glad something like that doesn’t actually exist.”

How the ultimate player was created

Best hair - Sebastian Chabal (Sale Sharks)

Best rugby brain - Mike Catt (London Irish)

Best cauliflower ears - Peter Buxton (Gloucester)

Most damaged nose - Mike Tindall (Gloucester)

Strongest player - Andrew Sheridan (Sales Sharks)

Best hands - James Simpson-Daniel (Gloucester)

Fastest legs - Tom Varndell (Leicester Tigers)

Best right boot - Charlie Hodgson (Sales Sharks)

Best left boot - Danny Cipriani (London Wasps)

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