I'm ready and this is what Heather would want

14 April 2012

No sportsman ever carried his pain with more dignity than Darren Clarke, and so it was on his first public appearance yesterday since the funeral of his wife, Heather.

At times he filled up, and on one occasion he broke down completely. But raw emotion was mixed with self-deprecatory laughter, and a streak of defiance that brings the promise that come the Ryder Cup next week, the big man in every sense will be able to cope.

"I'd be a liar if I said to you that I think I'll be able to get through the whole week without feeling uncomfortable, but I'm prepared for that," he said. "There was always going to come a time when I would have to stand up and get on with my life. I'll get myself through it, don't worry about that."

Through a misty veil he described his daily routine during his time away from the game, complete with a lovely punchline.

"At 8.20 I dropped my son, Tyrone, off at school and then I went and hit some balls. I had lunch with my other son, Conor, and then I went and practised. Then I spent some more time with Conor and I picked Tyrone up from school . . . gee, I'm making myself sound like a right saint here, aren't I?"

The Ulsterman was once known for losing his perspective when it came to golf, flying off the handle when he couldn't bring his prodigious gifts to bear. No longer.

"Things are massively different to what they were before," he admitted. "At some stage I had to grow up and this is the perfect time to do it. I have responsibilities now, and I have to do the right thing both for myself and for my boys."

Clarke's appearance here at the Madrid Open marks the first time he has played competitively since The Open Championship way back in July.

When the inevitable query came about whether his game will be too rusty for him to be at his best next week, he looked the questioner firmly in the eye and replied: "My game is all right, I have no doubts on that score, and I certainly haven't come here simply to make up the numbers."

It was exactly a month ago yesterday that Heather passed away. A month in which Clarke has received many thousands of messages of sympathy. Around the middle of this period of grief, the thought started to form about playing in the Ryder Cup.

He had no doubts at all that it would have been what Heather would have wanted. How could he when, even during the worst stages of her illness, she would continually kick him out of the house and tell him to go and play?

"The Ryder Cup was in the back of my mind all year,' he said. 'It became pretty obvious early on that I would have to be a captain's pick, and so then I was just keen to make sure that when I did play, I made an impression.

"But there was clearly a lot of thinking to be done and I didn't want to make a rash decision after Heather passed away. I had to make sure in my own mind that I could contribute, because the last thing I'd want to do is to let my team-mates down. Is it too soon?

"Well, it's been almost two years since Heather was first diagnosed. I knew what was going to happen at some point, as people do when faced with these terrible things.

"I was thinking of it the more ill that Heather got, and I'm sure I have come to the right decision. That's why I gave Woosie [European captain Ian Woosnam] a call, and I'm glad he felt able to give me a wild card."

Did Woosie have any questions he needed answering? Clarke replied: "I told him that I was ready to play five times in three days if necessary, and I think that was all he needed to hear."

Talk to any American Ryder Cup player and there is a great sense they are pleased he will be at the K Club, too. Tiger Woods was just one who rang on several occasions, and sent text messages of support. "We're all going to be desperate to win next week but the bottom line is that it will be a week of golf among friends," Clarke said.

He did drop a hint, however, that if the Ryder Cup had been strokeplay he would have given it a miss. "There is less intensity when it comes to matchplay in the sense that you can take a 10 somewhere and it doesn't mean you're out of it," he said. "You can get away with a few mistakes."

Stepping out in public again for the first time is always the hard part. This was, after all, the first day of the rest of his life. As he put it, this was him getting back to a semblance of normality.

During his month at home he talked at length with five-year-old Conor and eight-year-old Tyrone about what will happen next. "The kids are obviously my priority now, and before I make any decision I sit them down and we discuss it," he said. 'I know they are young, but they have a grasp that I will have to go away now and again.

"Both families, mine and Heather's, have been great in helping out, making life a lot easier and it has helped me battle through a lot of things that fortunately a lot of people never have to get through.

"A lot do, don't get me wrong. But I've had to face up to a lot of tough things, and I do feel I've come out of it a better person. I hope I have, anyway."

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