Sporting Miscellanies
That legendary Michael Owen Brochure has already spawned its spoofs. "Emmanuel Adebayor, Summer 09" is the name of a six-page online sales pitch, satirically lauding the striker. "He has scored 62 goals for Arsenal . . . and has a chance to goal ratio of 0.0045, bettered by only 453 players last year," it trumpets, adding that "he believes in God . . . but does not blame God when he misses an easy chance", and is "fragrant, nutritious, machine washable, rechargeable . . . and afraid of ghosts." The document, posted by an oddly literate Gooner on the arseblog fan site, is a masterstroke and delivered with perfect timing given today's news that Manchester City, after failing to get Samuel Eto'o, have now turned their attentions to the Togo striker.
How did I make a bad call over dotty ditty?
I have chanced upon the finest iphone application yet created. If Leeds Tunes has one fault, it's that nowhere can I find the ditty, sung to the tune of Tottenham's 1982 cup final anthem, that begins "Spurs are on their way to Auschwitz . . ." Years ago, after mentioning it here, I went on a radio phone-in, and Paul, from Leeds, was the first caller. "We never sang them words," said this racial purist. "We sang, Spurs are on their way to Belsen'." I apologised, of course — nothing's more hurtful to a proud neo-Nazi than being misquoted — and he accepted it. Lovely club, lovely tunes. Only 59p to download.
NBC's China syndrome sees Murray censored
However much our broadcasters may irritate, the Americans are way ahead of the curve ball (whatever that means). A friend returns from San Francisco to report tuning excitedly to the Murray-Roddick Wimbledon semi to learn that, with a prime-time audience in mind, NBC wasn't showing it in LA for another six hours. After an emergency session with top therapist Jack Daniels, he decided to cut his losses and take live radio commentary from the BBC site. Not a bit of it. It appeared that NBC had arranged for that bit of BBC online to be blocked to North American users. And to think we fret about the Chinese censoring the net.
Bag Betty and you're on to a winner, Monty
This tennis girl-golf boy thing is getting spooky. Last year, Chris Evert's lovin' propelled Greg Norman into The Open lead . . . and even though he inevitably blew it (shocking chokers, the Aussies, as the cricketers reminded us yesterday) what a swansong she provoked. Now struggling Adam Scott's form revives, with a fourth-place Scottish Open finish, under the amorous oversight of Ana Ivanovic. The lesson couldn't be plainer. Exactly where in Holland she is, we do not know. But taxi to Betty Stove's place, if you please, for Colin Montgomerie . . .
